The Sovereign Self

Vanessa Bettencourt
11 minutes ago
6 min read

There comes a point in life when the question isn’t “Who should I be?” It’s “Who am I when I stop performing?” The sixties invite a clarity that can feel both unfamiliar and beautifully grounding.

Themes of emotional recalibration, selective visibility, and the evolution of identity appear throughout The Sovereign Self by Stacey Dutton. The book looks at how entering our sixties can shift the way we understand presence, boundaries, and the internal landscape we inhabit.

The Sovereign Self offers a close examination of the emotional journey many women experience as they enter their sixties. Stacey Dutton reflects on how this period brings questions about identity, belonging, inner authority, and the desire to live more intentionally. She outlines the distinction between reaction and response, the importance of emotional inquiry, and the liberation that comes from releasing outdated roles. The book explores shifting friendships, changing romantic and family dynamics, the body’s evolving needs, and the pull toward stillness. Dutton emphasizes emotional sovereignty as the outcome of steady attention to self-awareness and discernment. Through this lens, she invites women to see the sixties as a time of inner reorganization and deepening, marked by clarity, depth, and self-possession.

Stacey Dutton is an entertainment executive, creative producer, and emotional mastery advocate with more than three decades of experience across the music, television, and film industries. She was the original on-air host of TLC/Discovery’s Clean Sweep and later the casting director for the Emmy Award–winning Clean House on The Style Network. Through her developing platform, Live Sovereign Self, she guides women in their third act toward clarity, boundaries, and emotional sovereignty. Stacey lives in New Preston, Connecticut, with her husband and their rescue dog.

Visit Stacey at her website and on Instagram.

Amazon: https://amzn.to/48rD71T

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/243569125-the-sovereign-self

EXCERPT

The Architecture of Emotional Mastery

“You have power over your mind—not outside events.

Realize this, and you will find strength.”

~ MARCUS AURELIUS

For a woman to be emotionally masterful in her sixties is not about mere resilience; it is about refinement. It is not about enduring hardship, but about engaging with life’s complexities with intention, intelligence, and grace.

EMOTIONAL MASTERY AS A DISCIPLINE

By our stage of life, we have encountered loss, reinvention, and profound shifts in identity. We have known both the exhilaration of new beginnings and the ache of things left behind. And yet, despite all we have lived through, true emotional mastery is not something we inherit simply because of experience. Rather, it is something we cultivate with discipline.

The difference between women who struggle through their later years and those who move through them with deep, unshakable presence is not related to their circumstances. It depends on their level of emotional mastery. Those who engage with their emotions deliberately, rather than being ruled by them, typically step into a state of emotional sovereignty—a place where external forces no longer dictate their internal stability.

MASTERY VS. SOVEREIGNTY

Mastery, in its truest sense, is about deep understanding more than control. To master our emotions does not mean suppressing them or forcing ourselves into an artificial state of positivity. It means learning to engage with our emotions as they arise, discerning which of them requires action and which requires release. It means standing in the midst of uncertainty, grief, or change and responding rather than reacting.

Sovereignty is the natural result of emotional mastery. When a woman reaches a place where her emotions no longer control her—a place where she can sit with discomfort without fear or experience joy without guilt—she becomes sovereign over her inner world. She is no longer subject either to the whims of others or to old wounds and the weight of societal expectations. She does not seek permission to feel, to express, or to change. She moves through life with an authority that cannot be given or taken away.

If emotional mastery is the discipline, emotional sovereignty is the reward.

THE MIND AS AN EMOTIONAL ATHLETE

Much like physical strength, emotional mastery requires active engagement. A woman does not wake up one morning emotionally agile, just as she does not develop high muscle tone overnight. Emotional engagement is a practice, like going to Pilates class or lifting weights a few times a week. And yet, many women enter their sixties believing that emotional maturity should be automatic, a natural byproduct of their age.

This is a fallacy. A woman who neglects her emotional strength and agility will find herself bound by old wounds, reactive tendencies, and outdated narratives.

But a woman who deliberately trains her mind—who practices stillness, discernment, and inquiry—will discover a different reality. She will no longer be pulled into every emotional undercurrent. She will not be at the mercy of her past. She will move through her days with a kind of cultivated stillness, unshaken by the temporary and attuned to what truly matters.

This is the foundation of everything that follows in her life.

Writing Process & Creativity

How did you research your book?

The research for my book came straight out of self-reflection and my own lived experience—the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Every phase of my life, from childhood to this newest chapter, has taught me something worth examining. I also read philosophy every day, especially the Stoics, which at this point is like a form of therapy for me.

Where do you get your ideas?

This book was literally born from the journaling I’ve been doing over the past couple of years. I jot down notes after reading passages that hit me in the gut, and I’m constantly writing little reminders to myself about the things I still need to work on (lots of material right there!). So what began as my own personal manifesto—basically a handbook for keeping myself sane—eventually had me thinking, “Why not share it?”

What sets your book apart from others in your genre?

My book isn’t coming from a clinician, a guru, or someone pretending to have all the answers. It comes from someone who has lived through the transitions, reinventions, losses, joys, and identity shifts that women experience in their 50s, 60s, and beyond. Most books for women in midlife lean heavily into reinvention, “you go girl” energy, or vague self-help slogans. In mine, I’m offering a more refined approach: emotional intelligence, discernment, self-reflection, boundaries, and presence, speaking to women who are smart, self-aware, and tired of superficial advice.

Your Writing Life

Do you write every day? What’s your schedule?

I always write at home, usually with my dog on my lap which is challenging at times because his comfort takes priority way over mine. I journal first thing in the morning and then again in the evening; I write something every day, whether it’s pages and pages or just a couple sentences.

Behind the Book

Why did you choose this setting/topic?

I don’t think I chose this topic as much as the topic chose me. As I worked on my own personal growth and journaled about it, I saw this book begin to take shape.

Which author(s) most inspired you?

I’m most inspired by The Stoics. Stoic philosophy originated in ancient Greece and Rome and teaches one essential idea: you can’t control life, but you can absolutely control your response to it. At its core, Stoicism emphasizes emotional steadiness, self-mastery, perspective, and the ability to stay grounded even when life is chaotic. It’s about separating what you can influence from what you can’t and anchoring your peace in that distinction. Most modern therapeutic frameworks, especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) (which is the most widely used form of therapy today) are directly built on Stoic principles.

Fun & Lighthearted Qs

What’s your go-to comfort food?

Junk food: I LOVE potato chips. I’m all about savory foods. I also love sushi – my absolute fave.

What are you binge-watching right now?

The last series I binge watched was The Righteous Gemstones. BRILLIANTLY funny!

If you could time-travel, where would you go?

If I could time travel, I’d go straight ahead a century. I want to know if we’re living like the Jetsons, zipping around in flying cars or if the planet is even still thriving at all??

What 3 books would you bring to a desert island?

The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday, The Catcher in The Rye by J.D. Salinger, and The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. Some philosophy, some laughs, and some entertaining fantasy.

What’s something that made you laugh this week?

About five minutes ago my 20-pound, VERY reserved and well-behaved dog let out an enormously loud fart. I had no idea dogs could fart so loudly.