Push Back

Vanessa Bettencourt
3 hours ago
3 min read

In Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself, author and psychotherapist Tonya Lester explores a question many people quietly wrestle with: how do you stand up for yourself without feeling like you’re letting someone down?

Through her years of clinical experience, Lester has seen how often women—especially those juggling relationships, careers, and caregiving—downplay their needs to avoid tension. Her book confronts that pattern with empathy and evidence-based strategies, offering readers a way to communicate assertively without losing compassion. Drawing on case studies, real client stories, and practical reflection exercises, Push Back examines the subtle ways people-pleasing erodes confidence and fulfillment. Lester’s approach is grounded in self-awareness and emotional clarity, helping readers find their voice, navigate disagreement, and redefine what it means to be “good.” The result is not just a guide to boundaries, but a framework for living more honestly and courageously.

Tonya Lester is a Brooklyn-based psychotherapist, writer, and speaker recognized for her work on relationships and communication. Her popular Psychology Today blog, “Staying Sane Inside Insanity,” reaches over a million readers and offers practical, compassionate insight into everyday emotional challenges. She’s been featured as an expert in Newsweek, The Guardian, Fatherly, Well + Good, and Bumble’s The Buzz. Lester also serves as a consultant to fellow clinicians, helping them refine their own practice of authentic communication. Learn more about her work on her website, or connect with her on Instagram and TikTok.

Amazon: https://amzn.to/4qzHJKe

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/214569834-push-back

Writing Process & Creativity

Where do you get your ideas?

I get my ideas from both my personal life and my work with clients. Push Back was born during a time when nearly everyone around me—my clients, and even my sister, who was going through a divorce—was struggling with the same dynamic: over-accommodating in relationships and losing themselves in the process.

At some point, I realized that while I was coaching women to push back and reclaim their voices, I wasn’t fully practicing that in my own life. That realization became the seed of the book. I wrote it for them—and for me.

What sets your book apart from others in your genre?

A complaint I’ve long had about many self-help books is the assumption that once women start speaking up and setting boundaries, everyone around them will respond positively. That’s simply not true!

Part of pushing back means standing your ground when the inevitable backlash comes. As I write in the book, the relationships that cause us the most pain are often working just fine for someone else. Push Back doesn’t shy away from that truth—it helps readers prepare for it.

What makes the risk worthwhile is the confidence, self-respect, and deeper emotional intimacy that live on the other side of asserting yourself. That’s the promise of Push Back: that the short-term discomfort of standing up for yourself leads to long-term freedom and connection.

What’s your favorite compliment you’ve received as a writer?

I’ve been told I have a clear, warm writing voice, that sounds exactly like how I am in person.

Your Writing Life

Do you write every day? What’s your schedule?

I get up at 6am and write for one hour on weekdays. I don’t write for long, but I am consistent!

Where do you write—home, coffee shop, train?

I write at home on my sofa with my dog, Trouble, and my cat, Luke, tucked in around me.

Any quirky writing rituals or must-have snacks?

Coffee, always and forever.

Fun & Lighthearted Qs

What’s your go-to comfort food?

Potato chips and French onion dip, classic Midwestern snack.